Should You Stay in an Abusive Relationship?

by Alexandra Copeland

We live in an environment where people no longer call a spade a ‘spade’, and there are those who are really good at making a lie sound almost like the truth. The reality is that truth will always be just that, truth! This is a very good thing for us, because truth is the only thing sturdy enough to support the foundation of a life lived well. Jesus Christ, of course, put it best when he said in John 8:32(NLT), “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” A person can never be free by believing a lie. We can only walk in the love, light, and liberty that God offers by knowing the truth.
 

This is a very important piece of knowledge for our relationships with the significant people in our lives, because sometimes we convince ourselves that’s it love, when really it’s far from it. In college, I knew lots of young women who had abusive boyfriends and they’d say, “oh, he’s just very passionate.” Others would say things like, “He loves really hard” or “He’s not that bad”. With some of these young women, loud arguments and fights were notorious, but I felt the saddest for those that were being abused but never spoke of it. Either they were too embarrassed or ashamed, or they were too afraid to tell anyone how badly they were being treated.

An abusive relationship is an intimate relationship in which one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other. This is a pattern of behavior that can include physical, emotional, and mental violence. It is when a person makes and/or carries out threats to cause harm or hurt. It can also include constant putdowns, name calling, and humiliating someone in front of others. This isn’t love, and it's important that we call a spade a ‘spade’ when it comes to recognizing what love is and how it behaves.

God’s Word is the definitive authority for truth. It tells us in 1Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT), “4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” This is how love operates. It is how we should desire to love others, and it is also how we should desire to be loved ourselves.

God has given us the standard for how we should be treated. This aids our judgment in what we can expect from a person of quality and a relationship of quality. Heavenly Father doesn’t ever want any man, woman, or child to be abused; He doesn’t want this for any of His children. Love really does mean respecting the gift of life that God has given you. It means to live it in truth. And it also means respecting yourself enough to understand that God didn’t create you to be abused or mistreated. He created you out of His love.

There are those that will say a person should remain in an abusive marriage or relationship and stick it out until things get better. Trust the Spirit of Christ that lives within you. God doesn’t have partiality for one person over another. He loves us all the same, and you don't need to rely on someone else to hear from Him, you can hear from Him for yourself if you’re ready for the truth. Jesus Christ said in John 16:13(NLT), “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” The Spirit will guide YOU! If you will trust Him, and continually and earnestly pray to Heavenly Father, He will lead you to a place of safety and liberty through His Spirit, because He does not want you to be abused.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.