It's Complicated

By Alexandra Copeland 

I knew a wonderful family some years ago, before I moved away to another state. The father was a minister who owned the building where the members of his church worshipped, and his children grew up considering these members a part of their family. The unity of this welcoming Christian community was palpable, and you sensed the energy of it whenever they were anywhere together. Everyone thought that Jose, the middle son, would follow in his father’s footsteps. He married soon after high school, and he and his wife were two of the humblest people I’ve ever known; so much love from them both. An avid crafter, she was well-stocked with gifts she had made, and loved to bless others on their birthdays or special occasions. Somehow, in this cold and dark world, this couple managed to preserve what seemed to me to be such purity and Godliness. Even as I think of them today, my eyes well-up with tears.   

I have many real-life stories and testimonies with happy endings to tell, but this isn’t one of them. Jose’s father began to have financial trouble, and was on the verge of losing the church. They kept it a secret for as long as they could, but the congregation got news of it, and slowly some of the members slipped away. Jose moved his family into a smaller place to help his father with expenses, but it wasn’t enough. His wife took a job, and the person who was once a trusted babysitter became a co-conspirator in the demise of this marriage.  

In my naiveté, I believed that I could help bring these two wonderful people back together. I was desperate to do it, having internalized their plight as insecurity and fear for my own future. If they didn’t have what it took to make it, how would I, being far from the prospect of love and joy they had once found in each other? Having known Jose the longest, I figured my aim at his higher senses might go further faster. I asked if he would meet with me for prayer and to talk about whatever was on his heart. I thought that he would jump at the chance to have a mediator, someone who might influence the heart of his wife. In his usual sweet manner, when we met he was pleasant and accommodating, but strangely quiet and almost dismissive regarding Lena, his wife. “It’s complicated.” He said, and didn’t offer much more than that.  

Jose’s indifference bothered me so much. How could he feel that way? It was unnatural and completely opposed to the person I believed him to be. As the months went on, it became apparent that his shame had been the barrier. Both he and his ex-wife left the faith, and it was heart-wrenching to witness the absence of blessedness that had once covered them. The difference was visible in their faces. The light was gone.

Ephesians 6:11 (NLT) tells us, “Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.” Most of us are familiar with this command from the Lord, but many of us greatly underestimate both the strategies of the enemy and the degree to which he will try to use them to destroy us. The situations we face seem complicated and particularly hurtful to us because the enemy is the author of confusion and darkness. An author of a given subject is typically an expert of it. From this, we should know that just as God is an expert of peace, the enemy is an expert of confusion. In other words, the devil knows what buttons to push to cause mayhem and chaos. It should be no surprise to us that he studies our weaknesses and attacks us where we are most vulnerable, but God has not left us defenseless.  

Although sometimes it can feel that way, complicated does not mean impossible. Jesus Christ told us in Matthew 19:26 that all things are possible with God. Jose and Lena gave me an up-close and personal view of what happens when this verse is not wholeheartedly believed. We are in partnership with God through the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit that works in us. Philippians 2:13(NLT) assures us, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Heavenly Father wants to work in us, but sometimes we limit His ability to do so.  

I’ve heard it said that Heavenly Father is a gentleman; He waits for our invitation. Qualities that we might associate with a distinguished gentleman, like supremely loving, strong, and full of integrity, discipline, and power, are certainly those contained in God’s nature, according to His Word. Another way of articulating His gentleman nature is that God never, ever violates or oversteps His law. He’s given us the gift of free-will, and He will not overstep it. Romans 11:29 tells us, “For God's gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.” So, God isn’t going to invade areas of our lives where we have not extended an invitation to Him.  

How do we extend an invitation? There are areas right now in our hearts, minds, and souls that we haven’t fully released to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. We harbor negativity in our hearts, and we think less of ourselves and others than we ought. We don’t always know our propensity towards darkness in certain areas until WHAMMM! Suddenly, we’re blindsided by an onslaught of darts and tricks we never saw coming. Our immediate reaction is often shock, because we can’t believe we’ve allowed ourselves to be tricked to the degree that we have. After the shock is over, we usually revert to one of two things, blame or shame; sometimes both.

  

God’s forgiveness is not complicated. He gives it freely when our hearts are open to receive it, but we should partner our request for His forgiveness with an earnest and faith-filled plea for His help. When this partnership of forgiveness and a desire to be better for God exists in our prayer lives, an invitation is extended to Him and something supernatural is ignited. It is no longer about what we can do for ourselves, it’s about what God’s power will do in us. Repentance is the darkness-buster that disintegrates confusion and disharmony, and opens the door for Jesus Christ to restore and renew us.  

We’ve made a lot of things complicated in our lives, especially when it comes to relationships. Heavenly Father has made it clear in His Word that we must trust in His power to work things out as we open our hearts and minds to Him in faith. Ephesians 3:20 (NLT) tells us, “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” God will go above and beyond, and we need to get to a place in our walk in Christ where we expect Him to do just that!■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.