Before You Say ‘I do’



By Alexandra Copeland

One of the most challenging areas of a single person’s life is very often finding a compatible mate. It’s crossing paths with the person that God has linked to your destiny, someone who equals or exceeds your capacity to love with the heart of Christ. Some have said that finding a needle in a haystack would be easier. Well, nothing is too hard for God, but the sentiment gives us some indication of how challenging being single in modern times can be. It’s also worth mentioning that the process of finding a marital partner doesn’t have to be nearly as complicated as most make it. God has given us a plan for doing this in His Word, and it works! 

Ecclesiastes 6:10 (NLT) gives us a yummy piece of wisdom to chew on. It says, “Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny.” Ephesians 1:11(NKJV) cosigns this truth and tells us, “In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will,” God isn’t moving us about like puppets, but He knows every detail of our lives. And not only this, but He knows even the number of hairs on our heads. There isn’t anything about us that He doesn’t know. 

Sometimes we forget this. The information is swirling around somewhere in the back of our minds, but in many cases, we don’t allow it to impact the decisions and choices we make. We behave as if we know what and who is best for us, but no one knows this information better than Heavenly Father. He created us to desire marital partnership, and we can see in Genesis how important the institution of marriage is to God’s plan. He incorporates love, unity, and oneness into His purposes, because these are defining attributes of His character. 

Our mission in this earth experience is to become like Christ and take on the nature of God. This is His plan and purpose for the institution of marriage, to teach us to love with commitment and unwavering faith; for His Word tells us that love does not fail. Act 17:28 (NLT) affirms, “for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’ It is a dynamic thing, this love transformation we’re destined to make, and many of us find ourselves way behind when it comes to the timing and checkpoints of it. Any time that we reach a place in our existences where we have a need that is persistently unmet, it points to the possibility that we’re behind schedule in terms of putting on more of the love of God, so that we can walk in it to a greater degree. 

Nothing will tug on our resources of God’s divine love more than a marriage. It requires that we are well-versed in operating out of the overflow. So it is nonsensical to approach this institution without the spiritual knowledge, dexterity, and flexibility to keep the commitment on solid ground. Many of us have allowed the darkness of the world to snatch our faith in this area. We don’t even believe it’s possible to acquire the inner spiritual strength to keep a marriage together. God assures us that it very definitely is, and He is committed to help us grow to such spiritual heights that we’re able to manifest His Will in this area. 

Heavenly Father honors process. He could have created us without a free-will agency. We could have come baked with the fullness of His Word and Will already in our hearts and minds, but this was not the case. God tells us in Ephesians 4:24 and Colossians 3:10 to put on the new man. To “put on” requires action. The process of putting on the Word of God requires us to take off negativity and sin, and put on the goodness of His Word so that we are transformed into the men and women He has called us to be. 

2Corinthians 7:1 The Message (MSG) tells us, “With promises like this to pull us on, dear friends, let’s make a clean break with everything that defiles or distracts us, both within and without. Let’s make our entire lives fit and holy temples for the worship of God.” We are to change our thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes to reflect the example of Jesus Christ. This is our responsibility.  

God is an on-purpose God, who says what He means and means what He says. He’s not going to tell us to do something that He’s commanded us to do for ourselves. His Word is alive and powerful; it’s sharper than any blade made by human hands. When we study His Word and digest in the belly in our understanding, a supernatural transaction occurs. We are transformed from the inside out. This is how God equips us with all that we need to do His Will. This is how He produces the power of Christ in us, and it all starts with knowing, believing, and trusting His Word.  

Increasingly marital partnership has become more complex. We know this, and in one respect it is due to the barrage of negative information, influence, and distractions that we are inundated with constantly. Our attention spans are shorter, and we pay less attention to our souls. This should increase our commitment to do as God tells us in Proverbs 4:23 and guard what comes into and goes out of our hearts with spiritual maturity.  

God finishes what He starts! He desires to see us blissfully and beautifully married, but our cooperation is absolutely necessary. We must recognize when our posture is one of refusing to see the reflection that is staring back at us in the mirror. Clinging to remnants of our old self isn’t going to cut it. Before we get to the stage of saying ‘I do’ to the person we’ll marry, we need to say it to Jesus Christ first. Through the Holy Spirit, he will help us to recognize the baggage that is weighing down our efforts to successfully partner in marriage, so that our marital union is one that is pleasing to God and pleasing to us as well.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. 

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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