Don’t Try to Control Others

 

2Timothy 1:7(NKJV) informs us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Fear doesn’t come from God, it comes from the devil, and this is very important to know. This verse isn’t referring to the natural tendency to self-preserve and self-protect, it’s referring to the emotions, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors that reflect a lack of faith in God. Our Heavenly Father instructs us in Philippians 4:6(NLT), “Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Worry and anxiety are birthed from fear. They keep us from enjoying life, and they signal the heavens and everything beneath them that we are not allowing faith to rule but instead, we are allowing our emotions of fear to run the show.

Often, we’re not conscious of the many ways in which fear is governing our actions and behaviors. One of the ways it shows up is in our need to try to control others. To embrace the newness that Jesus Christ has given us, this is one of the areas we must confront, acknowledge, repent from and release.

The new life that Christ offers us is a dynamic reality, and it should be no surprise that with it comes our need to change. And not only will we need to change for the better, but some of our relationships will change as well. Our Heavenly Father desires to see us blessed way more than we desire it for ourselves. You might ask, “Well, why am I not feeling and experiencing the kind of blessings I desire for my life? “ The answer to this question is never that our Heavenly Father is withholding blessings. That’s not it. Psalm 84:11(NLT) tells us, “For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing

from those who do what is right.” God gave His only begotten Son to die for our sins, so if He offered up His most precious treasure for our sakes, we can be confident that He will freely give us all things. So, the problem isn’t God not blessing us, the problem is in what you and I may be binding in heaven and on earth.

Some of us have an incessant need to control everything, including the people we love. This is almost always motivated out of fear. We either fear for their safety and well-being, or we want them to behave a certain way because we fear they may do something to make us experience emotions we don’t want to. We must come into consciousness about how this is translated spiritually, because it demonstrates a lack of faith. It is often motivated from a fear that God isn’t safely holding us or our loved ones in His hands, and whatever is happening in the moment, Romans 8:28(NLT) declares, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” God is in control, not us. The only reason that any of us exist is because He has allowed our existences. Acts 17:28(NLT) tells us, “For in him we live and move and exist.” We must remind ourselves of this continually and stop ourselves from trying to control our loved ones and others.

We must accept people where they are. You and I are still growing, and we have lots more growing to do. Just as God is being patient with us as we grow and mature in Christ, He is being equally patient with others. He is the One in charge of their spiritual journeys, not us. Our responsibility is to help where we can and not injure anyone along the way. Many believers have not broken the negative habit of trying to love others using the toxicity of condemnation, shame, and blame. That isn’t a Godly strategy, and we must catch ourselves and stop this before we do damage. This is especially true when it comes to children.

In Matthew 18, Jesus Christ teaches us about the requirement of humility. The disciples came to him and asked “Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” In Matthew 18:2-5(NLT), he taught, “2 Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. 3 Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. 4 So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. 5 “And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.” Regardless of our age, we must have the humility of a little child before our Heavenly Father, because we are all children in His eyes.

Not only does our Master Jesus instruct us about being humble, but under no uncertain terms should we underestimate how precious children are to him. He warns us to be extremely careful of our treatment of them. In Hebrews 18:6-7(NLT), he warns, “6 But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 “What sorrow awaits the world, because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting.” Children that are treated badly through abuse and neglect sometimes grow up to be adults that are wounded and repeat these cycles of abuse. This was not their destiny. They might have grown to be a very loving and kind believer in Christ were it not for the adults who caused them to fall into sin later in life.

And what about the men and women that many of us have tempted to sin in our adult relationships? Have we repented from tempting someone we were involved with in a past relationship to engage in sexual sin? During the time, we may not have considered the offense we caused them to make against God and His Word. When we’re immature in Christ, we may not think on this level, but spiritual maturity demands we think this way.

It’s easy to allow ourselves to become boxed in by sin. We behave a certain way in our families because we believe it’s necessary for us to protect those we love. We do the same in our relationships with men. We allow fear to run the show and believe we can’t have a successful relationship with a man without it beginning with sexual intimacy. Unconsciously, we are trying to control a situation without the discipline of controlling ourselves. We’re giving away our power by not addressing the issues that prompt us to yield to temptation and operate in reverse.

Our tendency is to look outwardly for solutions and validation to make us feel better. We try to get people to behave a certain way towards us so that we feel empowered and validated, but the reason many of us do not repent and heal is because we have refused to look inwardly. We need to examine how we are responding to people and situations. Again, we cannot control them, we can only control ourselves, and controlling ourselves means we are allowing our newness in Christ to run the show. Our goal should always be to live and behave in such a way that people, as well as the situations that effect our lives, are continually responding not to fear, but to our confidence in God through the Lord Jesus Christ.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. 

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

“Don’t Try to Control Others” written for Christian Encouragement and Inspiration© 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.