Three Important Questions for Christian Dating

 

Your level of spiritual maturity determines a great deal about the success of your significant relationship. The best thing we can do for ourselves and those we love is to begin our relationships from a place of spiritual strength. This means that when it comes to dating or meeting someone new, we’ve made the example of Christ our prime motivation. It also means that we’re confident that God’s love is the greatest power that exist, and He is the glue to holding our unions together. This truth can in no way be an afterthought or something we consider at the backend, if a successful relationship is the goal. As single believers that are praying to cross paths with our future spouses, it cannot be lost on us that God expects us to be prepared spiritually before we meet them.

God wants us to walk with our destiny partners through life, but it is important for us to understand that this person isn’t tailored made for us any more than we are tailored made for them. We are all tailored made for God’s purpose, not for other people. The Christ in us makes us complete and makes us perfectly suited for all that life has in store according to God’s plan for our individual lives. A huge part of this is being spiritually prepared and wise so that we can discern if indeed we are with the person that God has ordained.

Part of this preparation has to do with communication. We need answers to important questions. Not only must we ask these questions lovingly and intentionally, we need to know how to discern what the answers mean. Dating presents the opportunity for this exercise and we should be mindful to use it. The prayer, thoughtfulness, and intimacy in our relationships with God through the Lord Jesus Christ provides the foundation to trust that we are being wise, that we are being led by God’s Spirit and that we are guarding our hearts as Proverbs 4:23 tells us.

What are your thoughts about marriage?
There are lots of opinions about marriage in our western culture and many of them stem from the negative things people have experienced or seen. Some think marriage is an antiquated notion and can no longer apply to the demands, intelligence, and pace of modern society. Others think it’s a little oppressive or just a piece of paper. None of this is true. Marriage is God’s institution. He created it, set it in motion, and did so through His glory, omnipotence, and perfection.

In Malachi 3:6(NLT), He said, “I am the LORD, and I do not change.” God never has to do a backtrack or a do-over. He means what He says and says what He means. The covenant of marriage doesn’t have an expiration date and neither does God’s love. It is through the marital covenant that we learn God’s nature and grow to become more like Christ. Our whole reason for existing is because God wanted a family. He wanted children, and we’re it! Marriage is the covenant that He has established to protect the family and help the family unit to thrive through Jesus Christ. First and foremost, marriage is about accomplishing God’s agenda, not ours. It’s important that the person you date have the capacity to understand and appreciate God’s purpose for marriage, and they should also honor it accordingly. Asking about their thoughts and views on marriage will clarify this.

Your ministry
Marriage is a ministry, and the recipient of it, your spouse, will always be a mirror for your diligence and commitment to the ministry God has placed in your hands and theirs. The marital ministry is regulated by God and is therefore founded on the example of Jesus Christ and the love that Christ has for his followers. Ephesians 5:24-25(NLT) instructs, “24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” The church is the bride of Christ, and the love that a husband has for his wife should mirror the love Christ has for us, his brothers and sisters. It is important to understand that this covenant is one of mutual respect and service to one another in the Spirit of Christ.

Romans 12:8(NLT) teaches, “If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.” No one can do what you do the way that you do it. Each of us has something unique to offer. There is no such thing as a small ministry when it comes to the things of God. Our talents, gifts, and abilities are a way for us to minister uniquely. It will always begin with home. The most important recipients of our ministry are those within our own households.

Know your ministry. If it’s mechanics, baking, solving problems, teaching, inspiring others, cleaning, cooking, or driving, be able to answer the question, “How will I serve and minister to my spouse and family?” Know the answer to this question yourself. You must be confident in the ways God has called you to serve, so that you know the service, care, support, and commitment you are bringing to the table. When you know this for yourself, you then have the right and insight to ask and observe what the person you’re dating will bring to a potential union as well. A desire to serve one another is extremely integral to walking together. If the person lacks the desire to put your needs ahead of their own, be very careful and seek God before making any decisions.

Do you know the difference between fantasy and reality?
Marriage is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, and like everything else, it has its challenges. Fairytales, romance novels, movies, and picture-perfect characters have distorted our expectations in many respects. The idealism surrounding a soulmate and physical magnetism for many people has overshadowed the beauty and sanctity of marriage. It misrepresents what two people were meant to be to one another. It is impossible for another human being to fill your cup. God is our everything. There is none good but Him. Psalm 34:8(NLT) extends an invitation to “Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!”

You are not meant to be someone’s all and they are not meant to be this for you. Unrealistic expectations can lead to obsessive behavior and heartbreaking disappointment. You must know the difference between fantasy and reality. Adding a new person to our lives should add to the joy and fulfillment we already have, but we shouldn’t be looking for someone to make our lives. Jesus Christ has taken care of this already. When you meet someone new, before making an emotional investment, ask Heavenly Father to reveal to you whether this person has the capacity to love you in an emotionally healthy way. Be wise, and let God confirm that this person knows the difference between fantasy or reality. ■  

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

“Three Important Questions for Christian Dating” by written for Christian Encouragement and Inspiration© 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.