Communicating Your Feelings to Your Spouse

 

Tony was a faithful and dutiful husband to Abigail. They had been married six years, and it was the second time around for Abigail. Neither of them had children, but Tony desperately wants kids. Although they talked about it before getting married, he had never shared with Abigail that it was a deeply held desire for him. He never wanted her to feel pressured, and always placed her happiness above his own. Abigail came from a big family, and had assumed she’d have one, but at 34, she’s not sure this is what she wants anymore. She’s working two jobs and they’re still saving to buy a house. She’d like for them to put together some sort of plan, but Tony is not big into planning. He believes that once they get pregnant, God will work everything out.

Recently, Abigail went to the doctors alone because she thought she might be pregnant but wasn’t sure. As it turned out, she wasn’t, and she was relieved. Weeks later, she mentioned the doctor’s appointment to Tony, and he was very disappointed about how Abigail had handled this. He thought she should have told him that she suspected she might be pregnant. He felt betrayed but internalized those feelings, because he didn’t want to upset her.

As the weeks progressed, Tony retreated inward and didn’t talk about his frustration. It wasn’t the first time he had done this. A failure to communicate his feelings or talk about difficult subjects was his way of avoiding confrontation, and it had been a common complaint in his past relationships as well. The women he dated had nice things to say about him after the relationships ended, but they couldn’t get past his tendency to shut down and withdraw emotionally at times. Either because he was disappointed, hurt, or resentful about a situation, Tony wouldn’t breach this wall that he’d put up. It was his way of coping and it wasn’t helping him and wasn’t working for his marriage.

We are not monuments of our own making. We belong to God, and in Romans 12:1(NLT), He tells us through the Apostle Paul what He requires of every human being. This verse says, “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.” When we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, God sends His Spirit to live inside us. God’s Spirit is our Comforter, Teacher, and our Guide. John 16:13 affirms that the Spirit tells us what he hears from Jesus Christ and guides us to all truth. When we are obedient to the Spirit, Jesus Christ will lead and direct us according to God’s Will. None of us are forced to yield our bodies to God, but if we do, our lives will be blessed.

One of the ways that God blesses us is by allowing people, situations, and circumstances to help us learn lessons of His love. If it were left to us, we would never leave our comfort zones, and we’d remain stuck in old attitudes, thoughts, and behaviors that keep us from the life God wants us to have. Heavenly Father designed life to be very dynamic and ever changing. He has given us everything we need through Jesus Christ to keep pace, and therefore, spiritual growth is a must! This means that we constantly hold ourselves accountable to walk in the love of Christ; loving God, loving ourselves, and loving others the way Christ has taught us in God’s Word.

Through people, situations, and circumstances, life holds up a mirror of the things we need to see. Tony’s prior relationships presented a glaring reflection of his lack of communication. He unfairly held his past girlfriends, and now his wife, accountable for responding to his feelings when he hadn’t even shared those feelings with them.

God has a plan for our lives. In Jeremiah 29:11(NLT), He told His people living in Old Testament times, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” God doesn’t change. He has a plan for all of us and it’s a really, really good plan. Many of us struggle to believe this because life can be so challenging at times, but God is helping us. He is causing all things to work together for our good, but we have a part to play in this as well. We need to open our eyes and allow the Spirit to teach us lessons of God’s love so that we stop hurting ourselves. We need to obey God’s Word so that we’re not blocking the good things that He planned for us long ago.

God teaches us in Proverbs 18:21 that death and life are in the power of the tongue. He’s letting us know undeniably that we must be careful with our words, but in order for God’s resolutions and anointing to enter into our situations and revive them, we absolutely must open our mouths and speak words of life. We must communicate our feelings, because this is a meaningful way to share our hearts with our spouses.

When a couple loves the Lord and love each other, they can conquer any obstacle together, because the Spirit can work through them. They have an obligation to speak openly, honestly, and respectfully. They then must listen to one another. And the most important part of this equation is that they must pray together continually. In times of peace or confusion, couples must make the practice of praying together a habit. They must invite the Father’s healing, love, and power into their unions through the Lord Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father is the God of hope, and our faith will not fail when it is firmly placed in Him to keep our marital unions strong. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

“Communicating Your Feelings to Your Spouse”, by written for Christian Encouragement and Inspiration© 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.