Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

It doesn’t matter what we set out to do, from the smallest to the greatest of feats, if we do not begin it from a place of respect for God’s truth, the outcome will not be as awesome as it could be. This will always, always be the case, and it is never more true than when it comes to our quests to partner in love. Because this is such an extremely important area of our destinies in Christ, we should anticipate that it will also be an area where we learn the greatest spiritual lessons of our lives.

It should never come as a surprise to us that learning spiritual lessons is a constant in life. God’s goal for us is to grow in His love, and this is the destination of all our experiences. If we don’t see this, we will prolong the agony of lessons learned poorly. Through the Apostle Paul, God tells us in 1Thessalonians 3:12 (NLT), “And may the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows.” God’s love causes us to expand exponentially, to the point that we’re overflowing in love for others. Our expectation, quite naturally, is when we’ve loved in the best way we know, that the love we’ve given will be returned. This isn’t always the case, and when romantic feelings are involved, it can be a crushingly devastating blow.

It’s no secret that we will know our true treasures in life by what we choose to invest our hearts into. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:21 that wherever our treasure is, our hearts will be there also. In other words, a person can find your treasure by going where your heart leads them. They will know the qualities, characteristics, relationships, and other things that you hold dear by following the trail of your emotional investment, whether that investment is positive or negative.

We, you and I, set this trail. Whether you’re doing it consciously or unconsciously, you determine the target of your emotions. This means that anyone seeking to get at the thing that is closest to us OR most important to us, theoretically they can follow the trail our emotions or hearts leave behind. At the end of this trail they’ll find the thing we’ve treasured. It begs any woman interested in pleasing God to ask herself a question. Theoretically, if someone followed the trail your heart leaves, would they find God at the end of it or someone else?

We give our hearts away, and many of us do so very easily; with very little vetting. And the truth is that we make emotional investments in men who may be right for some other woman’s destiny, but he isn’t right for ours. We would do ourselves a world of good if we recognized this sooner rather than later. Heavenly Father didn’t leave us without His wisdom in this area. In Proverbs 4:23(NLT), His Word tells us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” This lets us know that we ought to be extremely careful about the trail we follow and the one we leave.

The world is pushing us to buy into its ‘the hearts wants what the heart wants’ agenda; this out-of-control, fall for anything type of attitude when it comes to love. We all want to feel valued and appreciated, and once someone gives us enough of an opening to cast our nets, sometimes we make the mistake of falling in too deep. God’s agenda is that we remain on guard when it comes to casting our nets. This will give us an opportunity to walk in wisdom and determine if a man is truly capable of reciprocating the love of Christ that we put out there.

Know this, it is a huge problem if we have allowed a person to mean more to us than our relationship with Heavenly Father. We can’t hide this sort of thing. God knows when He isn’t in the number one spot in our lives, and our emotional state after we’ve been hurt by someone is a pretty big indication of what we’ve treasured. When we fall for someone without having God’s stamp of approval, and it becomes apparent that this person doesn’t love us back, the wise thing to do is to seek God with all our strength, because we may have slipped into idolatry, for which we must seek God’s forgiveness.

We must also know that there are many spiritual lessons about patience, walking in wisdom, and real love that we need to learn. If we are genuinely interested in honoring God with our whole lives, He will teach us through His Word. He will also teach us through the indwelling Holy Spirit and others if we are willing to learn.

God’s Word tells us in James 1:2-4 The Message (MSG), “2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” Learning lessons about the world’s brand of love isn’t going to propel you forward in spiritual treasures, because it’s brand of love is often flawed, and sometimes so is ours. There’s some kinks in its chain. As we grow in Christ, those kinks are ironed out, and our love is transformed into a Christ-kind of love. Don’t run from the spiritual lessons you may need to learn from the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Let God develop His love within you, so that you are confidently anchored and blessed in your future relationship. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group

 “Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back” written for R4C.com ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!