Dealing with Heartbreak

It is very common for people to put everything in their relationships, to the point of being completely consumed. Sometimes when we do this, we are so caught up that we can’t detect when the relationship is actually slipping out of our fingers. The person we love doesn’t feel the same level of love for us. They know it’s going to be devastating to our lives, and because of this, they don’t communicate the reality that their feelings have changed. Finally, after months of trying to pretend, this person can’t continue on any longer and finds the courage to end the relationship. You don’t want to believe it. In fact, you won’t believe it and do everything within your power to fight to hold on to it.

As a competent, thoughtful, and objective person, you want so desperately to present strength and poise, but inside you feel like everything has gone to mush. Begging is something you never thought you’d ever be reduced to, but guess what? You do it! The gaping hole in your soul has left a vacuum that you believed at one time to be occupied by someone’s love. Now that this love is gone, the pain seems to far exceed your capacity to handle it. Not only do you beg the person to stay or give you one more chance, but you demand answers. Your heart tells you, “I need closure! Then I can let go!” Not!

A broken heart will send us through some serious changes. We can’t imagine our lives without the person we love in it. Sure, we knew there were problems, and there were both good and really bad times. But despite the bad, the relationship had been such a big part of our lives, and we are willing to do just about anything to save it; even if it compromises our well-being and causes us to betray our highest self. Truthfully, the relationship can’t be salvaged, but we convince ourselves that it can be. This kind of denial prolongs the inevitable, and deep down we know it. The reason that we have to learn to deal with a heartbreak in a smart way is because not doing so works against our faith and keeps us trapped in a cycle of going through the same lessons repeatedly.  

Heavenly Father has designed life in such a way that it does not disregard or discard lessons that are meant for our learning simply because we refuse to learn them. These lessons will continue to cycle back around. The reality is that God wants to walk through the process of healing with us. He tells us in Hebrews 13:5 that He will never fail or leave us. He is very close at hand, for His Spirit abides within us. Romans 8:28 tells us that Heavenly Father will cause all things to work together for our good, but this doesn’t happen in an instance. It’s a process, and the very best thing we can do is to trust Heavenly Father with our broken hearts and have faith that He will heal them and bless us in ways we can’t imagine.

To deal with heartbreak smartly, we must make room in our understanding for the possibility that our hearts were broken way before we met the person that brought the hurt to the surface. We tried to make ourselves believe their love would make us whole, that it would complete us in some way. It can’t. It is not within another human being’s ability to make another person whole; only the Lord Jesus Christ can do this through his overwhelming love. Colossians 2:10(NLT) tells us, “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”

We live in an “I want it now” environment, but it took many years for our wounds to come to the surface, and it will take time to allow the love of God in Christ to heal them. This is a very necessary process we must walk through, all the while holding the Savior’s hand. He will help us face the things we need to so that going forward, we can love not from a place of woundedness, but from the place of the Lord’s strength and wholeness.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Dealing with Heartbreak” by Alexandra Copeland. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.