The Cost of Anger

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

by Alexandra Copeland

Many Christians will try and justify emotions of anger by using that old reasoning, “Well, Jesus got angry.” Indeed, he may have, but it was a righteous anger, and it doesn’t give us carte blanche on this emotion. Through the Apostle Paul, God tells us in Ephesians 4:31(NLT), “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.” God is our Creator, and He has designed us to live a holy and Godly life. He didn’t just leave us hanging. He has told us through His Word exactly how this is to be accomplished. 

Anger is one of the emotions that God has said we should get rid of. This doesn’t mean that we lose the ability to experience this emotion. It is still going to be in our repertoire, so to speak, but we have a choice. This is something that people will often forget. God has given us the gift of free-will, and He has also given us authority over our own lives. We cannot control another person and we cannot control how they will respond to us, but we can certainly control how we will respond to them.

So yes, as Christians who have been given a spirit of love, power, and sound mind, we can choose how we are going to act and respond to people and situations. In Ephesians 4:32 (NLT), God tells us that rather than choosing to exhibit anger or one of its off-shoots, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Heavenly Father is giving us knowledge that is going to help us make better choices, those that will land us in the positive rather than in the negative. 

Some of us are born with a greater propensity regarding the emotion of anger than others. Then, there are those of us for which it is a learned behavior. Everyone has heard of the terrible twos. It is a period in a child’s development that many believe is prone to temper-tantrums. Two-year-old toddlers begin to struggle between their reliance on caregivers and their own desire to be independent. While this is a time of terrific gains in their ability to think, speak, and do things on their own, it is also a time when they learn about rules they are expected to follow. Balancing all of this, as you might well imagine, can be frustrating for a toddler. 

Without a very nurturing environment and sensitive caregivers, it is also easy to see how a child might not fully develop emotionally, and grow up with habit patterns where acting out, responding in anger, and behaving unintelligibly to situations and conditions become ingrained. Anger then begins to spout other emotions and behaviors like resentment, bitterness, jealousy, and rage.  These are not always expressed explosively. Sometimes they are “passive-aggressive”, when a person will express his or her anger in very subtle ways. 

Take for instance a person that chooses the silent treatment rather than communicating their feelings. For the person on the receiving end of this, there’s little else more frustrating. Depression and sadness can also be the end result of unresolved anger issues. All of these are very damaging to relationships. They can end marriages, cause rifts between siblings and parents, and perpetuate unresolved conflicts that continue to be passed down in families. So the cost of anger is very great, and it can become a stronghold, taking its toll on everyone it touches.

The worse consequence of anger is that of damaging our witness as believers. A person will never know all the eyes that are upon them as they move about through their daily lives. No matter who you are, what you do for a living, or where you are in life; others are looking atre you. Sometimes a simple smile can make a stranger’s day, and an angry look can ruin it. Our goal as ambassadors for Christ is to make a long-lasting impression of his love to as many as possible. Carrying anger in our hearts makes this a very challenging thing to do. Others can sense when there is something other than the love of Christ operating in our hearts. 

In whatever ways that we allow it room in our lives, the behaviors and attitudes of anger become a part of old habits that we will have to replace with new ones that are acceptable to God. Again, we have a choice. We don’t have to allow anger to control us. We can release it, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, will help us. Through him sin no longer has any power over us; it has been permanently broken by our Lord, and we have been set free from it. Our responsibility and privilege is to walk in what Jesus has made available. 

To this end, it is important for us to try and examine the causes of our anger and lay them before the throne of God. If we will ask Heavenly Father for help, He will provide it. Jesus Christ told us in Matthew 7:7 (NLT), “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” It is God’s good pleasure to help us in this area, so that we can unlearn old, unproductive behaviors, and learn new ways of handling life through the Spirit.

Knowledge helps us in our decision making, and it can empower us to make better choices in life. We can’t always identify the root causes of why we become so angry and sometimes explode emotionally over small things. We may not have the answer, but God does, and this is the information that He will often reveal to us through the indwelling Holy Spirit.  

In the heat of stressful situations, sometimes it’s that split second decision to refrain from responding that will allow guidance and intervention from the Holy Spirit. This can really save us a boat load of trouble. 

God knows that the cost of anger is great. Change is possible and required for us to maintain a life of Godliness, and to continue growing and abounding in Christ. God will empower us to overcome the entanglements of anger and strife in our lives, but our desire to wipe it from our slates is key. When we’re brutally honest with ourselves, and we see how it has robbed us of happiness and good memories, it should be easy to see that releasing all the heavies sprung from anger will make our days brighter and our hearts lighter. ■

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Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.