Hot Pursuit!

Debra was a young work colleague who was strikingly attractive and very well put together every day. Even though her thick, wavy hair was immaculately coiffed, and her outfits were impeccably styled, she always seemed nervous and insecure. It was very curious to me. Her initial presentation was that of someone very confident, but she was also antsy and always seemed preoccupied. I later learned that Debra was in a relationship and was consumed by it. As I got to know her better and became her confidant, I was concerned about her behavior towards the target of her affection. It was evident that he did not feel the same way about her as she did about him.

She refused to accept this. Rather than seeing his lukewarm responses as non-committal, she viewed them as incentive to try harder to gain his love. In the beginning he was flattered, but his politeness wore thin as he became very annoyed by her attempts to force her way into his life. She tried everything she knew to convince him to marry her, and although she had coined him as her boyfriend, he never considered himself to be. She was in hot pursuit of this man, and it was the way she had been in all her other past relationships. Even though her borderline obsessive approach had not produced the relationship and marriage she desperately wanted, she was determined that someday it would.

There isn’t a whole lot in the Bible about dating. It is a modern concept and it comes with complexities that are steeped in our need for validation and our refusal to accept that God always knows best. During Biblical periods, marriages were arranged by families, and the father assumed the role that God ordained for him, which is to be the head of his family. Even though many in our modern times have abandoned God’s structure for the family unit, the reality that His way is always going to be the best way will never change. The bottom line is that dating is one of society’s institutions, but marriage belongs to God.

God instituted marriage as a way for humans to honor Him and be blessed by Him. He established the precedent, the roles, and the rules. Family is incredibly important to God, and He has given us marriage as a way of preserving and continuing the family unit. The role of a woman is no less important to God than that of a man’s role, but we can never overlook the truth that these roles are distinct. Heavenly Father knows the best way for things to work, and once He sets things in motion, there is never a need for a do-over or a take-back. He’s perfect and everything He does is perfect. If we begin our relationships from the point of this wonderful truth of God’s pure love and perfection, we will make Christ the head of our relationships, and therefore, we will invite the blessing of God upon our unions.

One of the precedents that God set can be found in a very familiar verse. It’s Proverbs 18:22(NKJV), “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” It’s clear from this verse that Heavenly Father has given the man the role of finding his wife. God created us. He set up our programming according to how He has ordained us to function. Marriage can be very challenging. There will be storms because the devil hates unity, hates family, and does everything to undermine them and tear them apart. God’s designing of separate roles will produce a strong cord that will outsmart the devil every time, but because many of us will not honor God’s way, the foundation of our marital unions is not as strong as He has ordained it to be.

If a woman deems herself worthy as God’s daughter, she will not be in hot pursuit of a man that has not chosen her. She is a treasure in God’s eyes, and as such, God wants His daughters to be pursued in the way that He pursues all His children. God woos us with His love, and gave His Son, Jesus Christ, to die as a sacrifice for our sins. God commands the husband in Ephesians 5:25(NLT), “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Because of what God has decreed here, the man should woo the woman as an imprint of God’s love for us through Jesus Christ. When the man is obedient to this, it will establish something within his wife’s heart that will be there forever. When times are rough, she will always go back to the memory of her husband’s pursuit.

By pursuing her, the man is partnering with God to validate her worth. The man does not give or add to a woman’s worth, for her value was established by God when He gave Christ to offer his life for her salvation. Only God can establish our worth, but by pursuing a woman lovingly, chivalrously, and respectfully, the man is affirming and agreeing with what God has already decreed about her. This brings glory to God and blesses their union like nothing else. A woman should never want to impede this blessing in any way. She should not want to deny the man this aspect of partnership with God, and she should not move to undermine her own worth by taking over the man’s role.

One of the reasons that many believing single women are finding it challenging to meet someone is because this truth of God’s order isn’t anchored in their hearts. They’ve not opened their hearts to this degree of obedience to Heavenly Father’s standard. They are not willing to submit to God’s order for fear that their agendas will not be primary. Believing they can dictate their own worth; they prioritize relationships and their efforts to pursue them based on things that have nothing to do with their purpose within God’s plan. In other words, they believe they can do it better, and this perspective, along with its attempts, will yield nothing more than self-sabotage. Proverbs 19:21(NLT) teaches, “You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.” Our Heavenly Father is not lowering the woman in the role He’s set, He’s elevating her, and because many single women haven’t seen it this way, the opportunity to partner eludes them.

Following God’s order is the key to a successful relationship and marriage. No doubt that as we grow in Christ, there will be sacrifices, but what we gain in return will be infinitely more productive and beneficial to our lives. Humility and submission are integral to growing in our relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and humility and submission are the foundation upon which all other relationships will flourish. Pray and ask the Father to help you grow in the knowledge of His requirements so that you can walk in His purpose and be blessed. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

“Hot Pursuit!”, by written for Christian Encouragement and Inspiration© 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.