Look under the Hood of Loneliness

“Why am I still single?” This is the question that most singles are asking. Whether they’ve given their lives to Christ or not, the challenges of singledom in our current environment baffle the minds of most. The desire is simple enough. You want to find a mate that is compatible, someone with similar interests, intellect, ambitions, and moral character. You want them to have a personal conviction that lends itself to an enduring serious commitment. And if they have that little something extra, the verve that speaks to the sweet spot in our souls—that wouldn’t hurt either. Finding this person adds so much flavor to life, but many singles are to the point of desperation, feeling the ‘needle in a haystack’ frustration with their prospects.

Your motivation shouldn’t be the avoidance of loneliness

Every successful journey has both a start and an end. It stands to reason that if you start from a position of inadequate mental, emotional, and spiritual agility and strength, the outcome is going to be less than promising. You might make strides, but you’re not going to get to the finish line with the prize you hoped to attain. Hebrews 11:6(NLT) states, “And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.” There is no question that every human being needs faith to complete any endeavor, and some have allowed themselves to believe that they aren’t married yet because they don’t have enough faith.

They might believe that because of their insufficient faith, God isn’t pleased with them and that’s why they haven’t yet taken that walk down the aisle. This isn’t the truth. It is wrong believing, and it doesn’t help us on our spiritual journeys in Christ. Psalm 84:11(NLT) tells us, “For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” Heavenly Father doesn’t withhold our blessings, and this is a truth that must be deeply anchored in our hearts.

As lonely individuals, often our motivation isn’t finding the person that God has ordained to walk with us through life. Instead, our chief motivation is the fear of being lonely. We are motivated to do everything in our power to not have feelings of loneliness anymore. When you pull back all the layers of loneliness and take a closer look under the hood, you’ll see that the root of loneliness is the fear of being alone. Many women make the mistake of tying this fear of loneliness to their overall emotional state. They are downtrodden because of it, but the truth will set them free. And the truth is that we are not alone, not ever. It is impossible for a child of God to be alone, for the Lord is always and forever with us. Hebrews 13:5(NLT) instructs, “Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.””

Love like Christ

Fear in any form is the exact opposite of faith. The two of them are very huge realities, and they both take up a tremendous amount of space in our minds and hearts. We cannot have faith and fear at the same time, so one of them has to go. 1John 4:18(NLT) puts it all in perfect perspective. It says, “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” This verse is referring to God’s love. In order to get this straight in our minds, we must realize that God’s love and our brand of love aren’t the same. God’s love is perfect through and through. There are no strings attached to it. Our brand of love comes with lots of conditions and limitations.

We want a compatible mate that looks a certain way, makes a certain amount of money, has a particular type of job, comes with a car and an apartment or house, and doesn’t have anything about them that would over complicate our lives. If this person doesn’t have some of these things, we deny them our best quality love and perhaps wouldn’t even consider doling it out to them in any form, fashion, or shape. If we know anything about His Word, we also know that God’s love doesn’t operate like this at all. John 3:16 tells us that He loved the world so much that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, so that people would not perish in darkness and sin, but they could have the gift of eternal life through Christ. God didn’t do this just for religious people or people who seem to do all the right things. God has made salvation available to everyone—every single person born after the resurrection of Christ.

God’s love is the greatest power there is. His love creates, motivates, and makes everything infinitely better. Through God’s love, we have life evermore, and Romans 8:38 tells us that nothing can ever separate us from His love. When we strip ourselves down to the core, this is the love that you and I should want under our hoods. God’s love keeps us running strong, and when loving and pleasing Him is the greatest motivation of our hearts and minds, we’ve got quality all the way. And not only this, we are in a position to give quality to others as well.

Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30 to love God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength. We are to love Him with all that we are, because only God is deserving of this kind of love. Many single people that are praying to cross paths with their person are praying with the wrong motivation and intent. They want to make this person their whole world, and they will inevitably put their relationships with God in second place. This is a tremendous offense to Him. This kind of thinking plays right into the devil’s hands, because it allows him to pounce and cause division in our relationships. Jesus Christ commands us in Matthew 6:33 to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness above all other things, and when we do this, God will add all other blessings to our lives.

God’s love is the glue that holds us together and holds our relationships together. He tells us in 1Corinthians 13:1-7(NLT), “4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” This is God’s love in Christ, and He commands that we learn to love through our blessed Lord and Savior. Rather than focusing on loneliness or a lack of a significant relationship, we must pray that God will teach and help us to love through Jesus Christ. Then we must be patient and humble, as we are guided through the lessons of His love that will prepare us for marriage.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Look under the Hood of Loneliness”, written for Christian Encouragement and Inspiration© 2021. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.