Rock Wit’ It or Leave It Alone

by Alexandra Copeland

These days, relationships are made to be far more complex than they have to be. It seems that nothing fully prepares us for the surprises we run into in the dating arena. As a Christian, this is sometimes even more of an adventure. Within the faith, there are many silos in the form of religions. Still, there are certain qualities and characteristics that we assume will be standard issue when it comes to believers; things like half-way decent manners, a certain level of compassion and caring, principled language and conversations; and good grooming and personal hygiene. Can’t make these assumptions any more. And that’s not all, people have become really good at perpetrating. This is something serious now! You think you’re getting one thing, only to find out that it’s something altogether different. How do you navigate through it all?

In Proverbs 4:23(NLT), God gives us tremendous words of wisdom, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” In this verse, it is clear that we, you and I, are the guardians of what comes into our hearts, and what goes out of them. Lots of folks make statements like, “You can’t help who you love...” or “The heart wants what the heart wants…” We make comments like this to justify what might be a lack of stewardship in this area of our lives, as if to say that we are controlled by our hearts. God tells us the truth on the matter. The heart doesn’t control us; we control it. This places the responsibility and accountability regarding the choices and decisions we make squarely on us.

A lot of us get into a balancing act when it comes to this excellent jewel of wisdom. On one hand, we have this huge flashing caution sign. On the other, we have the possible discomfort of loneliness and the sadness it brings. Most of us will attest that loneliness is no joke. It triggers stuff within that can cause a lot of folks to kick that caution sign to the curb and dive right in. At the end of the day, it’s going to boil down to our level of trust in God, and our commitment to honor Him through our temples and everyday lives.

He wants the best for us in every way. John 10:10 tells us that He sent His Son to give us a more than abundant life. 3John 1:2 conveys His desire that we’re in good health and that our souls prosper. We have a good Father, and He knows what’s beneficial for sustaining a blessed existence. He wants every single person that desires to marry to do so, and to cross paths with someone that will ultimately be a wonderful spouse. Mistakes in this area are notorious, and this is one reason why His direction and guidance is crucial.

We don’t get to have it both ways. We can’t leave God out of the equation when it comes to making the emotional investment in someone, and then run back to Him for His blessing when we end up with an oops. When it comes to our spiritual commitment to Christ, relationships are not a simple matter of rock wit’ it or leave it alone. Not only is your destiny at stake, but the potential to hinder or help someone else’s is as well.

One of the very first steps of marriage preparation is prioritizing God’s expectations. This signifies our trust in Him to guide us according to His divine Will. He has not left us without direction in this area. In Ephesians 4:13-15(NLT), God sheds some serious light on His goal for us. We’re to pack His Word in our minds and hearts, and make ourselves teachable unto those He has appointed to nurture us. “13 This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. 14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”

When His love is well formed in us, we can then love our future spouses with His brand of unconditional love. He tells us so in Ephesians 5:24-26 (NLT), “24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.”

If a dude is ego-tripping, selfish, and unkind; a woman has no business investing in him emotionally. That’s not the way to guard our hearts. She certainly wouldn’t submit herself to someone that’s not up to snuff when it comes to the privilege of loving her the way Christ loves the church. That’s not what God wants for His daughters. If brother-man is truly honorable and loves God, he’s a man that a woman will admire and respect to the fullest.

The huge take away is that God is letting us know our hearts can expand to the level of this Christ-kind-of-love. This is good news indeed. The dating arena can be tough for sure, but God’s love gives us a way to navigate through any rocky terrain. The most important and self-appreciating thing we can do is to be patient with ourselves and give the Lord Jesus Christ space to guide to good choices as he teaches us to love his way.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.