Holding A Relationship Together

By Alexandra Copeland

For many people, the prospect of marriage is both wonderful and scary. The Book of Genesis makes no bones about God’s heart for the marriage covenant. Among other positives, He intends it to be a commitment of unity and love. At its best, marriage will teach us more about the unity that we should all strive to achieve as members of the Body of Christ. And when it comes to the love and appreciation that spouses should have for one another, Ephesians 5:24-25 reminds us that the standard is, and forever will be, the love of Christ. That’s no small potato, and many seeking a strong and lasting relationship are afraid that they might not have what it takes. 

The internet is filled with stories of relationships gone wrong, and we’ve all either had one or heard the details of a bad divorce or breakup from a family or friend. It’s to the point where we almost expect the person we’ve just met to be toxic, manipulative, lazy, caustic, non-committal, struggling with sexual identity, or what’s worse, a Christian in name only. We hope he or she doesn’t turn out to be a commitment phobe or a player, and many of us won’t give ourselves the necessary time to find out if he or she is. We jump right in and make an emotional investment without knowing if Heavenly Father has given the person His stamp of approval. He will let you know if the person is the right spouse material for your life specifically.  

Believe it or not, some people, even Christians, don’t think to get God’s counsel on the matter. Marriage is God’s specialty. He created it and gifted it to humanity as a way of not only being fruitful, but adding to the longevity and fulfillment of life. God’s vision of marriage is two people so faithful and unified that they are one. Both spouses having each other’s back to the point that they guard against the wiles of the devil as they pray and take care of one another in the love of Christ.  

People are under the false impression that it’s okay in the sight of God to have multiple partners. If it involves sexual intimacy, this is a dangerous course. Sharing the gift of intimacy was created by Heavenly Father to develop oneness in a marriage. Imagine the damage to a person’s soul when they make it a habitual practice to give this special gift of intimacy to multiple people; when it was created by God to sacredly offer to one. Without the intervention of repentance, forgiveness, and correction; consequences will be devastating. Ultimately, this person will end up very fragmented, and it’s this fragmentation that eventually undermines the relationships they seek to maintain in the future. 

A better way is to seek Heavenly Father regarding every detail of your desire to partner successfully. No, we shouldn’t place ourselves in condemnation for past mishaps and mistakes, but we should surrender every aspect of our dating lives over to the leadership and direction of the Holy Spirit. This is such an important aspect of life. It has the potential to actually make our lives a thing of beauty, and nothing will be as impactful. Why would someone ever leave this to chance?

Often people take the posture that they need sparks to fly so they’ll know if it’s the right person. Yes, chemistry is important, but it isn’t the determining factor when it comes to making a relationship work. Sometimes we become so caught up in chemistry that we forget that there are far more important things. A relationship must have a firm foundation, and physical attraction and sparks don’t provide enough glue to hold one together.  

In Luke 12:7(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Heavenly Father knows everything there is to know about us, even the number of hairs on our heads. He knows us through and through, and this includes our past, present, and future. Proverbs 3:5 tells us, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” We need to trust that God will guide us into a relationship that is the right fit for our lives. 

In Matthew 6:33, Jesus Christ tell us to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first, and the other blessings we desire will follow. This is precedent. It’s the order that Heavenly Father has sanctioned. When our hearts are to value our relationship with God by seeking to please and honor Him, we demonstrate that we will value not only ourselves but our future spouses as well. This is the love of Christ that grows and develops, and it will anchor our future relationships in strength, commitment, and unity.■ 

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.